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In my house everyone knows what my 'vice' is, the thing I can scarcely function without, it gives me anxiety when I can't find it and I am constantly checking my pockets to make sure I have tabs on it. My addiction is my phone!

Years ago, Seth was on this mission to get me off Facebook. He would say things like "If you stay off Facebook for a week, I will stay off my DS for a week!" or "Lets have a competition and see if you can stay off Facebook for 5 days while I don't eat junk food for 5 days."  And this is before I had the ease of checking other people's status updates from anywhere and everywhere, when I just had a regular old cell phone and I had to open up my laptop and enter the web address to get to Facebook.

To this day it still irritates Seth. We will be watching a really good movie together (Sidenote: Jack the Giant Slayer was such a cool movie for a pre-teen boy, and his mother) and I will be really intrigued and suddenly out pops my phone and I quickly check if I have a text, an email, or a Facebook notification.  It's getting worse because now I can also take a quick glance at Intsagram and see if any of my friends have posted something recently and if I'm really desperate a quick look on Pinterest happens as well.

It's a full blown addiction. I'm not afraid to admit it.  It takes me between 10 seconds and 2 minutes to catch up depending on how many people have posted something recently or how long its been since I checked.

Facebook is my connection to the outside world. As a 'daycare mom' my connection with adults is limited. So Facebook is where I hear about the news, it's where I read blog posts, it's where I watch viral videos and it's where I read those little feel good articles from Upworthy.

Yup, thats what my phone looks like 90% of the time.

AND, don't think that this post means I will be stopping. Oh no, I won't be stopping. I will continue to scroll and scroll and see what you've posted, what you've been up to, and pictures of your most recent holiday and of your kids. Facebook kinda allows the creepy stalker in all of us to be let out, and almost makes it acceptable... almost. 

The one thing I do hate about it is this; I have friends who I rarely talk to except when we suddenly decide to get together and catch up.  Catching up has changed.

Now catching up goes something  like this:
"I took a camping trip out to the East Coast this summer!"
"I know, I saw it on Facebook.  I went the the Blue Jays game last week!"
"I know, I saw it on Facebook.  Lucy is finally potty trained! No more diapers!"
"I know, I saw it on Facebook."
and then - Silence.

What the heck are we supposed to talk about?

As usual with my posts, I have gotten off track here. It has been quite a while since my last post (like 500 years) so why not restart in true Kathryn Fashion?

So why am I constantly checking my phone? Why do I feel the need to be connected with people, some of whom I barely know? What is it I am searching for?

I think I know. I'm searching for human contact, like an alien from Mars. I'm searching for something that will make me laugh, or something that will make me cry. I want something that will make me feel connected to someone, somewhere, something that will make me feel something.

Thing is, I'm really looking in the wrong place.  As I said, I won't be stopping. I know I won't, but perhaps if I can find something that makes me feel something outside of Facebook, I won't feel the need to peruse so frequently.

I have a 'Good Book', and that's where I am going to start.

The things I want to give my children

Things are changing... and that makes me sound old.  I recall many adults saying those same words when I was a child.

WE (and I say we because I think the majority of people who read this are around my age, if your not - I am referring to people approx. 20-30 years old) are being considered the 'jobless generation'
To read more on that - click here

We went to a post secondary school, studied hard (or kinda hard) and graduated assuming that we would  actually work in the field that we studied.

It wasn't that simple.

Either way, we all work hard now to make ends meet and with a pile of debt from years of school, it is pretty difficult. And then we have kids. And I would be a hypocrite to tell that that having children is a bad idea.  In fact I think having children was my BEST idea - ever!  But, they do make it a little more challenging to stick to a budget.

So now I have an *almost* 11 year-old boy.  We live in a nice little town, with nice people, most of whom commute to Toronto for better paying jobs to make ends meet.  Most of them are older than I am - but that's not really important.

Seth's friends have their own iPads, they live in HUGE houses with a pool in the backyard and they have their own TV's in their room, with a PVR, Netflix, Xbox, and a PS3 connected to it.  They play hockey, karate, swimming lessons, indoor and outdoor soccer, and take some sort of music lesson.

Seth wants to know why we don't live in a big house, why we don't have a pool, why he only has a Nintendo hooked up to the tv in his room, and why my old iPod, that I gave him, doesn't have a camera. (Yes, I gave him my old iPod touch when I got an iPhone because I don't need both, and yes, somedays I regret my decision to give it to him -  especially since he figured out how to iMessage people and I have this new obstacle in the hallway.)

What I am trying to say is that I do not feel like it is my responsibility to give my kids these things.  I am responsible for the obvious, food and shelter, but on top of those things this is a list of things I feel like my kids should have....

What I want to give my kids

- Creativity, I want my kids to express themselves, to have a fun way to showcase their thoughts, ideas and dreams. Whether it is art, dance, cooking, card making, scrapbooking, whittling, or puppets, kids (and adults) need to express themselves,


- My time, I don't want my kids growing up and saying they were raised by a nanny so that I could work hard to give them a plethora of things they did not need. (don't take this is wrong way, I have no problem with families who have a nanny, and I totally understand how it could be a necessary option for a lot of families, I mean, that when I am not working, I want to be fully present with my children and I don't want to be working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week)


- Self confidence, by showing my children that I have a desire to spend time with them it will help them to believe that other people might also want to spend time with them. By listening to their thoughts, ideas and crazy stories, they will believe that there are other people who also want to hear those things.



- Imagination, I want my kids to be able to turn the boring and mundane into something fun and exciting.  A trip to the grocery store sometimes turns into a treasure hunt, or a walk to school when we've left late can turn into the race of the century.

- A sense of Responsibility, nothing in this world comes for free.  They need to earn their allowance, and pay for some of the things that we can't (or don't want to) purchase for them.  Childhood is a time of freedom, no bills to pay, so all their money can be saved.  This past summer Seth bought his own plane ticket to visit his Aunt and Uncle in Edmonton.  It took him a year to save, but ask him -  it was worth every penny! (and every toy he resisted buying throughout the year)


- Unconditional Love, my kids may do some of the stupidest things, but they are my kids, I loved them since the moment I heard their heart beat, and nothing Nothing, will change that!

What's better than a hug
from your sister?

- Sibling Love, I guess it is not really me who gives this to them, but I can teach them to love each other, respect each others differences and preferences and in turn, also teaches them how to be a friend.



-Big Dreams, my kids are amazing, talented, wonderful little people (and I'm sure yours are too) and they can be ANYTHING they want to be. Astronaut, Prime Minister, Hollywood Director, Doctor, Ballerina, or Grocery Clerk, Burger Flipper, Maid, Mommy (which kind of involves the last 3), if thats what they want to be, and that's whats going to make them happy, then that's what they should be!


- Cookies, every kid needs good, homemade cookies.  As a mommy, I kinda get to decide what goes into my kids stomachs (sometimes - they have, on occasion, eaten things they shouldn't have, like crayons)  So if they want delicious cookies, I'm going to give them delicious cookies.... in moderation.

We're all in this together!

Remember that perception you had of motherhood....  the one you had before you had kids.
Cuddling, napping together, making fun crafts, baking, playing at the park... they look so good in my mind.

Moments of fun... sweet faces.

Patience and walking hand in hand.

It's easy to forget about those 'Other' mommy moments...  Because as I type, I have an *almost* 4 year-old begging me to make Jell-o for the 100th time this week, and then getting stuck between the couch and the wall (seriously, there is not enough room back there for a child, and I have no idea how she got back there!)  

Moments like these - 

Screaming while doing something fun!

Screaming while visiting family

BLESS YOU!

I hope that window was clean!

Nothing like a little nose picking while you are getting a family photo taken!

are easy to forget... unless you are like me and you take pictures of those moments!

Back to my point - motherhood is not really like I thought it was going to be.  I don't think many mothers could honestly say that it is.  

There are times, when things are going perfect, when I sit down and say to myself "I had an awesome day with my awesome kids!" 

There are also those days where I feel like I have just removed a child from behind the couch 20 times, I have cleaned up spilled milk 10 times, I have already fed them and where did that marker come from?, how come there is crayon all over the wall?, how did the photos fall off the wall on their own?, you want Jell-o again??  take your finger out of your nose, share your toys, if you need to pee, go to the toilet, get your hands out of the flour bin, yes, I can make Jell-o, paint?  you want to paint?  I just cleaned crayon off the wall and marker off the carpet and now you want me to take paint out?....  

You know those days... we all do.  And I think I just realized this the other day!

I know a lady, she is an amazing lady.  I constantly wonder how she has so much patience and think of what a good mother she is - she seems like she has it all together, all the time.  And she asked ME, what I was making for dinner, because she had no ideas.  No big deal, I know, but even those 'perfect' mothers need help sometimes.

I heard story of an other wonderful mother, who had a child who could read the clock and knew when time was bedtime.  7:30, on the dot, and the child would not go to bed any sooner.  So this mother would turn the clock forward on a bad day and get her kids to bed earlier so she could have some peace.

I heard that and thought "That is a fantastic idea!"

So when I visualize those moms who do everything, I visualize a clean house, dinner cooking and mommy playing with the kids, but I am pretty sure that is completely IMPOSSIBLE!!  

A clean house - maybe for a few minutes.  

Dinner cooking - absolutely.  

Mommy playing with the kids - heck yes!  

but all three at the same time - there is no way!

So rest assured mom's out there in the interweb - you are not alone.  As my daughter now beckons for more two-bite brownies, I must go.  My dishes are half done, at least one room in my house is clean, and I need to make more jell-o.

Without a woman or a girl

James Brown was a wicked smart man!  I know this song has been redone time and time again by every artist who gets up near the top of the charts... but James Brown deserves the credit. He had the right idea!
"It's a man's world, but it wouldn't be nothing, without a woman or a girl."

I was abruptly woken this morning by someone telling me that they had an 'accident' in my bed, right beside me.  I felt bad for Miriam, she was yelling apologies and when I looked at my bed there was only the littlest, tiniest spot of pee. But, Eric was up giving her a shower, and regardless of how big it was, the sheets still needed to be washed.

6:00am... I am never up this early!  I know, there are people who wake at this time for work everyday, and there are people who wake up at this time by choice... not me.  I am so lucky, my kids usually sleep until 7 or 7:30, and I think that is mostly because I wake them when I get up and get ready for the day.

Anyways - I got off topic there - I decided I wouldn't go back to sleep.  How often do I get an hour of quiet in my house, by myself?  *Hint: the answer is 'NEVER'.

So my mind is quickly sorting through the regular morning routine, and thinking of all of the things I have been meaning to do when I had a moment to myself.

I could fold laundry (which I really need to do, since today I used the last pair of underwear that was in my drawer)
I could do dishes (ha - that's a joke)
I could sit down and write the blog post I meant to write last week (yes, that's it!)

To my point - here we go-

I think that growing up I always felt moved to do something radical.  To stand up for what is right, and to help others see the injustice around us.

I did projects on racism, or equality, or environmental issues and animal rights.

I'm not sure what sparked me then, but it is pretty easy to forget about those things.

It occurred to me that I have forgotten about most of those things because they do not stare me in the face.

I guess I thought that most pharmaceutical/cosmetic companies had stopped testing on animals.
I guess I thought most big corporations were at least trying to lower their carbon footprint.
I guess I thought that everyone sees each other as equals, regardless of their sex or race.
I guess I was wrong.

There was a woman in the UK who, with Lush cosmetics and the humane society, is launching a huge campaign to put an end to cosmetic testing on animals.  My first thought is - good for her!

As for woman's rights, its clear to me that I am treated equally in my own home, doesn't that mean it is the same for everyone else? *Hint: the answer is 'NO'

I work with *mostly* women from many many different backgrounds.  I specifically work with 2 women, one who is East Indian and one who is West Indian (that is how they explained it to me.  They are very similar to me, culturally and by looks, but they stress that things are very different for them) and they are both young ladies in arranged marriages.

Lately I have been thinking that these traditions are simply just traditions.  I thought no one really did this anymore!  When I asked the ladies if they were happy they both answered with a strong "No!"

They are happy with their kids, they are not happy with their husbands, and both of them tell me that before they had kids they made their husbands promise that they would not set their children up for an arranged marriage.

This seems foreign to me.  And the more I think about it, the more I realize that if these 2 women are here in Canada, what happy the hundreds of thousands of woman left back in their home countries.
Here we have laws which needed to be abided by, laws that state that a man cannot beat a woman, laws that give each of these ladies the same rights as their husbands, but 'back home' there are no such rules.

This was just my thoughts... it's a hard thing to imagine for me, here, in Canada, with the husband I chose, with children we were happy to have together and where my opinion is just as valid as his.

This battle has been raging for centuries.  How can this constant battle end? *this time I have no answer.. I have no idea what to say...

                                      You see, man made the cars to take us over the road

Man made the trains to carry heavy loads

Man made electric light to take us out of the dark

Man made the boat for the water, like Noah made the ark

This is a man's, a man's, a man's world

But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl

Raising girls: I'm no expert!

"The verb that's been enforced on girls is to please. Girls are trained to please...I want us all to change the verb. I want the verb to be educate, or activate, or engage, or confront, or defy, or create." Eve Ensler

Miriam has been challenging me this week.
She has been testing me day in and day out.

My cousin sent me a link to a video (which is in the link above). I watched it and I laughed a little and cried a little, but mostly it made me think.
Being a girl/woman allows us to feel so many emotions.  I know this - I am an emotional mama! Yet, I am constantly finding myself irritated by the amount of tears produced by my girls (but mostly by Miriam).  I have a habit of getting her to calm down and then pointing out to her that she didn't need to cry about it, that she was being silly, crying about something like her sleeve being inside out. And sometimes I dismiss her entirely.  I say things like "I will talk to you when you are done crying" or "I don't understand anything you say while you are crying" (which is kind of true)

I mean - she cries a lot, and it is true that her tears are not always warranted.  She cries about her 'spot' on the couch. She cries about her hair being in knots. She cries when I brush her hair. She cries that she is tired. She cries that she doesn't want to go to bed.  She cries that there isn't enough food in her bowl. She cries that there is too much food in her bowl.  And that was just this morning!

Miriam crying because she had to put a sweater on.

I don't want her to be a whiney, crying girl. I know it' going to irritate teachers and classmates (as well as me and Eric). But, I don't want to numb her to what makes being a woman special. So where do I draw the line between cranky, irrational tears and tears that actually mean something?

Lucy didn't like the look of the pumpkin's insides.

What really made me realize that there is a distinctive difference was not only the video that I watched but on Saturday night, Eric and I put the girls to bed as usual.  Lucy was more upset than she normally is and was crying in her crib.  Miriam is used to this. Usually she covers her head with a pillow and goes to sleep regardless.  Saturday was different though.  On Saturday there was a chorus of crying.  Feeling like something must really be wrong, Eric and I went back to the bedroom.  I asked Miriam why she was crying, and she replied, "Lucy made me cry because she is sad!"  That pretty much broke my heart.

Emotions are good.  Without them we might as well be walking dead.

I realize I haven't answered the question about where to draw the line.  I have no clue.  All I know is that, I am an example of how they will one day react to their own children.  One day Miriam might have a crying girl like her, or maybe she will only have rough and tough boys or maybe she won't have any kids at all, but she always needs to feel something, whether it is sadness or joy or fear, feeling it reminds you that you are alive.  

Maybe I just need to be more patient with the with the tears, and find out what it is before I dismiss her feelings.  I hope one day she will be a strong woman who feels many emotions.

I AM AN EMOTIONAL CREATURE

by Eve Ensler

I love being a girl.

I can feel what you're feeling

as you're feeling it inside

the feeling

before.

I am an emotional creature.

Things do not come to me

as intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas.

They pulse through my organs and legs

and burn up my ears.

I know when your girlfriend's really pissed off

even though she appears to give you what

you want.

I know when a storm is coming.

I can feel the invisible stirrings in the air.

I can tell you he won't call back.

It's a vibe I share.

I am an emotional creature.

I love that I do not take things lightly.

Everything is intense to me.

The way I walk in the street.

The way my mother wakes me up.

The way I hear bad news.

The way it's unbearable when I lose.

I am an emotional creature.

I am connected to everything and everyone.

I was born like that.

Don't you dare say all negative that it's a

teenage thing

or it's only only because I'm a girl.

These feelings make me better.

They make me ready.

They make me present.

They make me strong.

I am an emotional creature.

There is a particular way of knowing.

It's like the older women somehow forgot.

I rejoice that it's still in my body.

I know when the coconut's about to fall.

I know that we've pushed the earth too far.

I know my father isn't coming back.

That no one's prepared for the fire.

I know that lipstick means

more than show.

I know that boys feel super-insecure

and so-called terrorists are made, not born.

I know that one kiss can take

away all my decision-making ability

and sometimes, you know, it should.

This is not extreme.

It's a girl thing.

What we would all be

if the big door inside us flew open.

Don't tell me not to cry.

To calm it down

Not to be so extreme

To be reasonable.

I am an emotional creature.

It's how the earth got made.

How the wind continues to pollinate.

You don't tell the Atlantic ocean

to behave.

I am an emotional creature.

Why would you want to shut me down

or turn me off?

I am your remaining memory.

I am connecting you to your source.

Nothing's been diluted.

Nothing's leaked out.

I can take you back.

I love that I can feel the inside

of the feelings in you,

even if it stops my life

even if it hurts too much

or takes me off track

even if it breaks my heart.

It makes me responsible.

I am an emotional

I am an emotional, devotional,

incandotional, creature.

And I love, hear me,

love love love

being a girl.

Inspiration

"I would rather die of passion than of boredom." Vincent Van Gogh

An old teacher of mine passed away after a battle with cancer last week.

Mr. Delaney was an all inspiring man.  He could have caused action from a rock - and not by being loud or giving you shocking facts, but by listening, by being attentive and intentional.  He lived his life caring for others all over the planet (literally).  And although I haven't spoke to him in ages and haven't thought much of him in recent years, his death shook me.  Death always shakes me.

As a parent I genuinely hope that my children will one day encounter a teacher/adult/peer who inspires them the same way that Mr. D inspired me and so so SO many other students who walked through the doors of Waubaushene, Fesserton or Victoria Harbour Elementary. He encouraged me to take action, to make a difference in any small way that I could.  It was there, with him, that I started writing letters to various Ministers in Parliament and expressing concern for education for myself and my peers.  Expressing concern about injustices that were happening all over the world, but focusing mostly in Sierra Leone, where Mr. D has spent a significant amount of time.

As an adult I have lost that inspiration, passion and vigour. Those traits have been replaced with ignorance and complacency. I occasionally believe that one person CANNOT possibly make an impact on the world, but Mr. D proves that theory to be incorrect.  The number of people who he touched, that could make it to his funeral, could barely be contained in the confines of the church walls, but that is still only a small portion of people affected by his life.

I wish I did not feel this ignorance (which I suppose I could change) but at times it is hard to believe that my life as a stay-at-home mom/babysitter could make much of a difference, and that definitely needs to change.

I am clearly in need of some inspiration since last night I was even having incredibly boring dreams.

I am a dreamer - not like the John Lennon song. I mean in my dreams I live a crazy, unbelievable life (which would only be possible in dreams).  My dreams involve flying, not in airplanes or helicopters, but me, flying through the air, and managing for undisclosed periods of time under water.  Sometimes I dream that I am travelling to exotic and magical places and meeting new people and learning new skills.

Last night, I dreamt about going to the grocery store and buying 5 lemons (yes, specifically 5) and going to bed.  I DREAMT ABOUT GOING TO BED!! How incredibly lame is that!?!

Last night I was sitting in Southlake hospital to get a little chest infection looked at, but while I was there it occurred to me that I was sitting in the same hospital where Mr. D took his final breaths last week.  A place where hundred of thousands of people have taken their last breath.

Perhaps some of them were also global citizens/inspirations like Mr. D, perhaps many of them were apathetic, barely acknowledging anything that goes on outside their own community.  Perhaps more of us need to think on a global level.  We need to take over the calling of people who have been called to something new (or taken from this green earth).  We (as in me and you - just to be clear) need to make a difference and leave an impression on the world we will one day leave behind.

I guess you could say I am breaking out of my rut... but I still need to figure out what it is I am going to do about it.

This Emotional Mama.

It doesn't take much to make me cry.  I am an emotional woman.  I cry over "Ontario" commercials, and "Our heritage" commercials.  I cry when my kids amaze me, and I cry when my kids upset me.  I cry when I think about my friends who live far away, and I cry when I think of my friends near by.

I cry.  A lot.

Two weeks ago I was feeling a little sick.  I was laying on the couch and talking to Miriam.  I was crying because I love her.  Lucy was sick too, and I cried because she loves me!

Last week, I went to sign Seth up for swimming.  I was concerned that his level would be full, and he wouldn't get to go, but there was one space left.  I almost cried.  *Almost - because there was a line-up of people behind me and I has to hold myself together.

After signing Seth up for swimming, and getting the final spot, Miriam asked to watch the kids who were swimming in their lessons, which you can do upstairs in the same building.  When we got upstairs there was figure skating sign-ups.  I asked Miriam if she would like to do it, and she answered with a resounding "YES!".  So I signed her up.

As we were leaving the pool/ice rink facility I told Miriam we would go buy her skates very soon.  She requested pink skates.  Knowing that I wasn't going to any fancy stores to purchase her first pair of figure skates, I told her that the skates would be white. She then requested 'PINK LACES!?!'
 There I was, sitting in my car, crying again.  I used to figure skate. I used to have white skates with pink laces. She really is MY daughter! (I know this, but she is so much like her father, it's SCARY!)

We bought her skates on Friday evening, but she fell asleep on the way home.  First thing in the morning she asked to put her skates on!

So she wandered around the house for about an hour with her new skates, with pink laces!

And finally, as many of you know, Seth played Rugby this year.  He finally found a sport that he likes!
Yesterday was their final festival of the year, so he got a medal and a trophy, and also scored 4 tries!

Again, I held back the tears because of a crowd, but I was just so proud!

Now, I think I have always been fairly emotional.  I had a little teddy koala bear when I was a pre-teen,  and teenager.  It fit nicely in the palm of my hand, and I remember using it to wipe my tears as I fell asleep at night sometimes.

And DON'T think that I am sad all the time.  I am really not!  But when I get all excited, and I'm ready to explode, I generally explode through my tear ducts.  I cry all the time, and I am ok with it, although I can start to see the panic in Seth's eyes if he sees me crying, which makes me laugh, and cry at the same time, which is really unattractive, as I wimper and snort and turn red.

My point is, if you aren't an emotional person you might never understand why a friend of yours cries all the time (especially men wondering this about wives)  but sometimes, us emotional, criers, just need a good cleansing cry to feel better!  It's ok, don't fear, don't run and hide, but do I understand the shock and panic that could overpower you to run the other direction!!

Are you an emotional person too?

Like Mother, Like Daughter

I am finding more and more that Miriam, my 'spirited' child is just like me.

She is smart, observant, and extremely stubborn.

On occasion I have found myself arguing with Seth, (who is 10, and often times, right). I argue and argue and argue and then he explains his point and I am left with my mouth hanging open wondering how I am going to tell him that he was right, and I was wrong without actually having to say those words.

A couple weeks ago Seth told me that his friend's clock is set 5 minutes later than ours. He felt enlightened by this fact as his friend is usually 5 to 10 minutes late every time he comes over.
 I, on the other hand was... umm... confused!?!  and I argued that if his friend's clock was later than ours, that would mean he would always be here early! I must have fought with him for 5 minutes before he finally explained it in 'laymen's' terms for me, and then I felt incredibly stupid.

So today, Miriam walks up to me and says "Summer is fall!"

"No, Miriam.  Summer comes before fall. They are different seasons."

"Sometimes they are the same though, right mom?"

"No, Miriam." I reply, wondering where she got this idea from, "Summer is hot, the flowers are here, the trees are green.  In fall the leaves turn brown, the flowers and the trees go to sleep for the winter."

"No, mom." Miriam speaks with the same tone I was using and finished the conversation with, "Summer is fall. It always is."

No point in arguing. If she is like me, which I believe she is, this could go on for years before she finally understands the difference.

Maybe I should get Seth to explain it to her!!

The many hats of Motherhood

I've been a mother for over 10 years.  I often feel like it still isn't quite real, like I am still playing house with my friends in grade school.  3 children look up to me, and depend on me, and I feel like I am playing pretend. Don't get me wrong, I don't really think this is a bad thing, I think this means that I am still enjoying it most days and loving my children a ridiculous amount.  Yet the many things I have become for my children over the past 10 years is astounding.

And I know I'm not the only mother who becomes these things.  In fact, EVERY mother becomes these things.  

If you nurse your children when they are infants you are a buffet.  If you are bottle feeding, you become robotic with routine... scoop formula, add water, shake it like a mad woman, heat, and feed.

You are a nurse, and a doctor.  You are your own emergency response team.  

Most mothers become professional mouth sweepers, shoving your finger in your babies mouth to remove the items that do not belong.

You are a cook, a baker, a maid, and a taste tester.  

You are a hairdresser, a body washer, a bum wiper and an aesthetician.

Depending on your children, you have become a pirate, a train conductor and a hockey player.  You have become a queen, a princess, a dancer and a fairy.  You have become a story teller, a singer and a musician.

You are a confidant, a psychologist, a prosecutor and a judge. 

You are a teacher, a student, an assistant and a supervisor.

You are the creative queen, an actor, a photographer and an artist.

You are a decorator, an organizer, a counsellor and a schedueler.

You are a comforter, a cuddler and the best smell in the world. (even when you haven't showered)

You are the good guy. You are the bad guy. 

You make your kids laugh, smile, cry and scream.

You are loved.

I was never much for routine.  So this is nice for me, never the same thing twice.

I'm still growing up too, maybe all of these different hats will inspire me to one day change my 'real' profession.  Until then, I enjoy what every day brings.

My Mother

Even before I was born, You ALWAYS loved me,
You kissed my boo-boo and bandaged my knee.

You held my hand to cross the street,
And carried me when I couldn't use my feet.

Whether the reason to cry was justified, you always wiped my tears,
You loved my through the good and bad, you loved me all these years

You watched me, letting me make my own mistakes,
Now I know what a challenge that is and how much patience that takes.

Now that I've grown up and I'm a mommy too,
I try to be so many things but mostly a mommy like you.

"The only thing better than having you as a mom, is my kids having you as a grandma"

My experience with the Ferber Method

This is MY own opinion.  Let me be clear that I do not judge anyone who does or does not use this method.  I believe that every parent has a different approach and children are resilient, adaptable little humans. I don't condemn or condone any approach that assists a mother in getting a good night's rest. (aside from abuse, I would most certainly condemn abuse of any kind)


It all started on April 10th (which is actually my nieces birthday, but that is irrelevant).

Lucy woke up at her typical time, 11:30 - shortly after Eric and I get to bed.  I was bringing her into my bed, comforting her, and she would simply fall asleep and spend the rest of the night in our bed.

Well, this fine Tuesday she would not calm down.  I spent approximately 45 minutes with her screaming in my arms when the thought crossed my mind - If she is crying while I am holding her, why not just let her cry in her crib, and perhaps by this time next week, we will all be sleeping through the night.

So it went like this.  approximately 12:30 she went to bed in her crib and I left her room (checked back a couple times).  By 1 am she was sleeping, I went into her room, tucked her in and went to sleep.  At 3 am she woke up again, cried for 15 minutes, fell back asleep, I went into her room, tucked her in and went to sleep and she was back up at 6:30.  My thoughts now - only 2 short periods of crying on the first night!?!?  This is going to be a cinch!!  Oh!!  Sleep!!  I will finally get some sleep!


The next night Lucy had her cereal, her milk and went to bed around 9pm.  She woke up around 3:30 and cried for 30 minutes, I went into her room, tucked her in and went to sleep.  Still thinking - Down to one!  I feel more rested already! Why didn't I do this months ago?


Night 3 was the same, and night 4, and night 5, 6 and 7.

On night 8 Lucy woke up at 3 am and screamed for about an hour at which point I went in and rocked her to sleep.  She woke up her sister and her brother, who aren't that easy to get back to sleep either.

Night 9, and 10 were the same as nights 4 thru 7. At this point I feel like it isn't working BUT I have come too far to give up now.  I feel like I need to stick to my guns and not give in.

Night 11, SHE DID IT!! She slept the whole night!!  I might add here that my son was up several times on this night, so I, therefore, did NOT sleep the whole night. My thoughts then, AND now are this - Will I ever sleep through the night?  I have hope for after they have grown up and left my house...


Night 12 (last night) was similar to night 8.  She cried for so long that I went and got her, and she continued to cry in my arms for 30 minutes before falling asleep. I lay her back in her crib, she cried again but went to sleep on her own until 7 am.

I think I am being consistent, maybe I shouldn't have given in on nights 8 and 12, but I wasn't getting any sleep with her crying either.  I have heard from other moms that it takes 3-4 nights.  Then they are in their glory, they are well rested and can function all day long without massive amounts of caffeine coursing through their veins.

Regardless of all this - when I hold (even at 3 am) my sweet, lovely, yummy little monkey I can't help but love her, hug her, kiss her and occasionally have a desire to chomp on her gorgeous little cheeks! I might also add that I have a pretty good sense of humour about this.  I realize that not all children react the same way and perhaps this isn't the method for Lucy, but it did work for Seth and Miriam.  Mind you this is the closest I have been to getting a full night's sleep since June 4th. (FYI, Lucy was born on June 5th)

Who wouldn't have a desire to chomp those cheeks???

If you want more info on The Ferber method or any other sleeping methods, this was an article I liked reading  http://www.canadianparents.com/article/sleep-and-babies

The people we've always wanted to be...

On a typical day, I go to bed feeling like I have made some big mistakes throughout the day. I yelled at Miriam for this, got impatient with Seth for that and spoke harshly to Eric for no good reason etc...

When I wake up and think of how I would like my day to pan out, it usually involves fun playtime with my kids, being open and considerate of their opinions and concerns and being non-judgemental about their feelings.  It all gets blown out of the water once I pour Miriam a bowl of cereal and she starts screaming, "I wanted it in a BIG bowl.  There needs to be more cereal!  Now I need more milk!  NO! I wanted chocolate milk!!  I don't want Seth to look at me!  Lucy touched me!"  and on and on for the rest of the day...

Well - for the first time in a long, long time, I made it through the day feeling good about the way I acted ALL day!    Wednesday was one of several gorgeous days we had this week.  We spent much of the day between the driveway, where we were painting and drawing with chalk, the backyard, where we played with the sandbox, and the school playground, where we played with other kids.

On the way home from the playground 2 brothers were playing on the sidewalk, one on a bike and one on a scooter.  The little guy on the scooter tried to go around us, following his brother's example and went on the grass, promptly flew off the scooter and scraped his face across someone's driveway.  My girls were so well behaved, we walked the boy home and got him to his mommy and continued on our way.

When I got home Lucy was asleep in the stroller so I grabbed us all a freezee and sat outside in the sun.  A couple minutes later 2 fine looking young men from World Vision approached us.  They were dressed nicely, spoke politely and ended up convincing me to sponsor a child close to Seth's age.  I let them sit down, got them a tasty freezee and sat and chatted with them for a while when all of a sudden my neighbours kids came running through the backyard.  (there was a small hole which the kids were climbing through to sneak into our backyard but it kept snagging them and there was rusty nails hanging out so we opened up a bigger hole and now the foreseeable future involves 2 extra little awesome guys and their equally awesome mom hanging out in the backyard, which I think is awesome)  So they had some freezee's too and Seth got to show them the caterpillar he found while walking home from school.

I'm not saying all this to toot my own horn, I am saying this because there are days when I think I will NEVER be the patient, loving and understanding person I am always trying to be.  I always think I need to be a good example to my children, and go to bed feeling like there was something I did that I need to apologize for.  But if this was possible one day this week, maybe it will be possible 2 days next month... and 3 days the following month... and maybe no days the next month because summer break the coming and that means more kids will be here, but who knows!?!?!

I guess the point is, I hope my kids remember days like Wednesday when they have grown up and are raising their own kids.  I hope they forget the days I snapped a little to early or didn't answer their calls immediately.  I'm sure that won't be the way it works out, but hopefully we will all be able to look back on these crazy child rearing years and laugh about the insanity and chaos that seems to completely consumes me on a daily basis.

"Happy kids = Happy Mommy": Favourite Quotes

I've been thinking of some of my favourite quotes about parenting.

Today I kept thinking "Happy baby, Happy Mom"  Today is the first day in about a week that Lucy has not been incredibly cranky.  That being said, today was the day I got her into the Doctor to find out she has an ear infection. She is also teething. She is 8 months old and has been on 3 antibiotics, eye drops and Zantac already.  Somehow she still manages to be a happy-go-lucky little gal.

Thinking of this quote made me think of some of my other favourite quotes about parenting.

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body." 
~Elizabeth Stone

The above quote could not be more true.  When they hurt, I hurt.  When they are sad, I am sad. When they laugh, I laugh.  Their heart is my heart.

An other favourite
"Don't worry that your children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you." ~Robert Fulghum

my little copy cat (when he was little)

"Before I got married I had 6 theories about bringing up children. Now I have 6 children and no theories." ~John Wilmot

I had 7 years between Seth and Miriam.  That gave me 7 years to notice the results of some of my parenting choices.  I changed some of my previous theories.  I held onto some of my theories.  

After actually parenting Miriam I realize that the differences between Seth and Miriam are great.  I could have parented them both the exact same way and had completely different results.  So forget theories.  What works for one may not work for an other.  My morals have not changed but some of the other stuff I just have to make up as I go...

"To be in your child's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their life today." ~Anonymous

We are all just kids at heart!

My final two quotes make me laugh on the days that I want to cry. (I cry for many reasons. Happy, sad, exhaustion etc.)

"It kills you to see them grow-up but I guess it would kill your quicker if they didn't" ~Barbara Kingsolver

Seth heading to Grade 4. (tear...)

"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable." ~Lane Olinghouse

That would be a great photo to have, but unfortunately (and fortunately) when this happens (and it usually does) I am relaxing and not prepared to take any photos.